i really, really need to get some perspective. today was nice because i felt like a real, valuable asset at work and even sat in on interviews for the new people we’re hiring and so obviously they trust my judgment and want me to continue working there but i wish i could get rid of that part of my brain that always tells me NO NO NO you will never be good enough.
i probably feel weird enough today because i’m already half-seeing this dude who was borderline obsessive with me at first and now that i finally let him in a little bit i just feel stupid & vulnerable and that he doesn’t like me and he’s totally insane so if an insane person can’t love me, who will?
then i found out the only person i’ve ever had feelings for in my life moved back in with his parents, and he used to condemn me for being young & stupid, but i guess am young and stupid enough to begin a career straight out of college and graduate on time and pay my own bills and rent. then i found out he said really nice things about me and i feel bad again.
today is really weird.
i feel like a nutcase. also, i really need to stop crying at work.